The Perimenopause Husband
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About This Project
I'm Phil. Husband of 26 years, together 31. Four kids, a business we ran side by side, and a wife who started disappearing in front of me before either of us knew what perimenopause was.
I'm not a doctor. I'm not a therapist. I'm the bloke who got it wrong in every way you're probably getting it wrong right now, and then figured out what actually helps.
My wife knows I tell our story. She reads everything before it goes out. She's the reason this whole thing exists.
I am a husband of 26 years.
My wife went through perimenopause. I had no idea what was happening. And like most husbands, I defaulted to the same handful of responses: give her space, stay out of the way, wait for it to pass.
None of it worked. Some of it made things worse.
Where This Started
There was a moment, a specific, ordinary moment, where something my wife did stopped me cold and made me realise I had completely misread what was going on in my own marriage.
That moment is Chapter 1 of Stepping Into the Storm With Her. I won't give it away here.
But from that moment, I started paying attention differently. I started asking different questions. I started making changes, small at first, then more deliberate. And things changed.
Why I Write as The Perimenopause Husband
I write under The Perimenopause Husband rather than my own name because this is not about me. It's about the situation. Every husband who reads this is The Perimenopause Husband in some version of the same experience.
I am not a doctor. I am not a therapist. I am not a women's health expert.
I am a husband who got this wrong, then got it less wrong, and eventually got it right. That's the only qualification I'm offering.
What This Is Not
This is not a medical resource. Please talk to a doctor about your wife's health. Perimenopause is a real physiological event and professional advice matters.
It is a guide for husbands who want to understand what's happening and do something useful with that understanding.
What I Hope You Take From It
I hope you read Stepping Into the Storm With Her and find yourself nodding along. I hope you find at least one thing you can do differently. And I hope you find what I found: that staying in the storm with her is worth it.